The Oscars, as we know, are a Godawful night. A weirdly chaste and uptight affair, hellishly boring to sit through and vomit-inducing with their fake sincerity and Tinseltown earnestness. From the parade of vacuous clotheshorses being verbally wanked off by thirsty, thirsty celebrity journalists, to the incredibly naff after-parties. A few hours of watching that, and you begin to think Al Qaeda might have a point. So you would expect the Razzies to be the antidote.
Only they aren’t. They are just as naff and just feel mean-spirited. They usually go as low as possible. Straight after the lowest-common denominator. So they come across like teasing a retarded kid, or kicking a puppy. This proves Hollywood can’t even get taking the piss right.
So, as tedious as the arrival of the Oscars, the Golden Raspberry Awards have released their nominations for the year.
Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables 4 leads the Razzie nominations with seven. Stallone is nominated for worst supporting actor, with co-star Megan Fox up for worst supporting actress.
Other nominees include The Exorcist: Believer and Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, with five nominations each.
The Winnie the Pooh slasher film took advantage of the copyright for AA Milne’s classic tale expiring and reimagined the characters of the Hundred Acre Wood as vicious serial killers. This has seen it be nominated for worst picture, worst screenplay, and worst rip-off, while Pooh and Piglet are nominated as worst on-screen couple.
The Exorcist: Believer is not the only exorcism-themed movie on the list. Oscar winner Russell Crowe is up for a Worst Actor Razzie reversal for his role as Father Gabriele Amorth, a priest who claims to have performed more than 100,000 exorcisms, in The Pope’s Exorcist.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is also nominated for worst sequel, while Vin Diesel has made it onto the list for worst actor for the 10th Fast and Furious film, while Shazam! Fury of the Gods has four nominations, including one for Oscar winner Dame Helen Mirren for worst actress.
Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania also has four nominations at this year’s Razzies.
Ana de Armas, Chris Evans, and Salma Hayek are all on the receiving end of more than one nomination, as is Megan Fox. Alongside the Expendables 4 she is also up for worst actress for Johnny & Clyde.
De Armas is nominated for worst actress and worst screen couple, as is Chris Evans, both for Ghosted. Hayek and Tatum are also up for worst screen couple for Magic Mike’s Last Dance.
Stallone’s nod is his 16th nomination for worst actor. See what we mean? The man is a legend.
The Razzies will be announcing their winners the night before the Oscars, as is now traditional.