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Hee, and indeed, hee. Antoine Fuqua’s Michael Jackson biopic Michael opens in just two days and has started screening for reviewers.
So what’s the verdict? It’s bad. It’s very bad. 32% on Rotten Tomatoes and 38/100 on Metacritic bad.
The temptation to make a Bad joke here is all consuming. Must… resist…
So let’s see what the summary pages have to say about all this, if only to save me from myself:
“It can’t be taken seriously, no matter how earnest it looks and sounds. because it’s not really a story. Maybe it used to be before the reshoots. Maybe not. Either way, now it’s just feature-length publicity, and it plays like damage control.”
William Bibbiani, The Wrap
“Jackson bears a striking likeness to his uncle. His steps onstage are picture perfect. But nothing moves. In a film like Michael, live performance should let you see what fans see. Here, when audiences sob in ecstasy, you want to inch away in bafflement.”
Danny Leigh, The Financial Times
“All Thriller, no infamy, presenting an uplifting, crowd-pleasing version of events that, for all its expert impersonations, is simply the palatable half of this sordid tale.”
Nick Schager, The Daily Beast
“By denying any contradictory views of its subject, Michael seems disconnected from reality — a problem the massively famous and troubled Jackson would himself come to embody.”
Tim Grierson, Screen
“This is a frustratingly shallow, inert picture, a kind of cruise-ship entertainment, which can’t quite bring itself to show that Michael was an abuse victim, brutalised by his father and robbed of his childhood.”
Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian
“If you’re even remotely nostalgic for the time when his songs were ubiquitous on pop charts, at parties and on dance floors worldwide, the movie will be a warm rush of transporting pleasure.”
David Rooney, THR
“You’re reminded of the first time you heard Jackson’s music… And you’re also reminded that such things are still tainted, even if the movie twists itself into knots to avoid you thinking about such things.”
David Fear, Rolling Stone
“There is just not enough of a movie to hang those showstopping numbers on. Just as all the note-perfect moves and movie-star magic of a sensational Jaafar Jackson are not enough to ensure his uncle’s story is given the cinematic life that it deserves.”
Barry Hertz, Globe and Mail
Michael opens in cinemas on April 24th.
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