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Nosferatu? More like Nod-Offeratu, amirite?
Robert Eggers is a new-era director that has built a decent foundation of films. The Witch, The Lighthouse and The Northman all contain interesting elements. Nosferatu is a step back, however. It ends up rather listless, as if the film itself is the victim of a vampire.
Let’s take a look at the movie. Spoilers will happen as needed. After all, Nosferatu is basically Dracula at the end of the day. Everyone is familiar with the basic story beats.
Nosferatu
The original Nosferatu came out in 1922. German filmmaker F.W. Murnau directed the silent expressionist film. It starred Max Schreck and is considered one of the first examples of cinematic horror.
Nosferatu has been touched by the remake fairy a couple of times. Most notable is the Werner Herzog version starring Klaus Kinski. A 2023 take directed by David Lee Fisher and featuring Doug Jones also happened. It used green screen to insert colorized backgrounds of the original film atop live action.
Now Eggers steps up to the plate. Nosferatu is a passion project for him. He adapted Nosferatu for the stage in high school and performed in it. A Nosferatu film is something he has thought about for a long time, and in the Year of Our Lord 2024, we, the people, finally get his vision.
Eggers probably overthought it…
Back, Creature of the Night!
Nosferatu is shot in 1:66 format. One continually finds references to “stunning visuals” in reviews.
Did these reviewers actually watch the film? Nosferatu is a bland-looking movie. Here and there Eggers manages a good-looking shot. For example, when Nicholas Hoult is trekking to Orlock’s castle and is met by a black, horse-drawn carriage on a tree-lined road.
Otherwise, the bulk of Nosferatu seems to be center-framed characters in various rooms. I recently rewatched Dark City. If someone considers Nosferatu to have “stunning” visuals, then they better not watch Dark City. Their head would likely explode Scanners-style.
Or, to compare apples to apples, Coppola’s Dracula is a very extravagant film visually and made use of a lot of fun optical effects. Eggers does little of that. He seemed to strive to be restrained in his visuals. Subdued cinematography is fine in and of itself. It can also be great. No Country For Old Men from the Cohen brothers is a good example of this.
To further compare apples to apples, Eggers’s previous films are more stunning visually. The best shots of Nosferatu are found in its trailer.
Nosferatu-tu
Eggars also wrote the screenplay and strove to bring the story into the 21st century. How did he do that? Various interpretations can be found online speaking of the sexual subtext of Nosferatu.
Yet, it is not really that complicated at the end of the day. It is a common tale. Once upon a time there was a girl with a thing for a bad boy. Then she met a nice man, who worked really hard to give her a nice life. Alas, the girl could not get the bad boy out of her head. Finally, she drunk-texted the bad boy. They hooked up and everything got ruined. But, you see, it had to be done. It was meant to be…
And all that is fine, as well. At the end of the day, what do we really want from a vampire movie, especially a Nosferatu remake? We want some scares, an aura of oppressive spookiness and some good vampire kills. The subtext is simply a bonus.
In the case of Nosferatu, we get the subtext and no scares, no auras of oppressive spookiness and no good vampire kills. One has no recourse but to stand up in the theater Annie Wilks-style and protest.
Nosferatu + Nosferatu = Nosferafour
What do we have going for us cast and character-wise?
Johnny Depp’s daughter, Lily-Rose Depp plays the Mina Harker character. The dynamic between her and Orlock is the center of the story. Does she make you believe she is some ethereal beauty that men would die for and vampires would pine for over the centuries?
How does one put this nicely? Basically, if her character gave you her number at a bar and you lost it, you would not particularly care. As a result, the viewer does not care about her character. The only time she grabs interest is when she acts possessed because at least she projects some energy in those moments.
Bill Skarsgard, hot of his virulent success in The Crow remake, stars as Count Orlock. He is unrecognizable in makeup. It was likely a mistake to give Orlock a moustache, though. Moustaches have great power. You are drawn to looking at Orlock’s moustache when he is onscreen and forget everything else.
Otherwise, Skarsgard’s performance is mostly based on his voice. Orlock speaks in thickly-accented, menacing tones with gurgling breathing in between each phrase. It is effective.
But is Orlock scary? The viewer is not really scared of the character, no. He inspires interest rather than fear. The only time Nosferatu perks up as a movie is when Orlock is onscreen. It primes the viewer into thinking maybe something interesting will happen.
Children of the Night of the Comet
Nicholas Hoult heads the supporting cast. He plays the Jonathan Harker character. We know Hoult is capable of good, even great work. The movie holds him back, however. Honestly, Keanu Reeve’s take on this character is more watchable because Keanu has sun-level charisma, and he is acting in a movie that doesn’t have a rolled-up tapestry shoved up its behind.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson does not need to be in Nosferatu at all. His main purpose is to have a drink with Hoult and then lament Depp’s physical ailments. If he was cut from the film on your second watch, you would not even notice he was gone.
Taylor-Johnson does flirt with almost being part of a suspenseful scene, however. He goes to visit the crypt of his dead wife and daughters, who were killed by Orlock. The viewer is on edge and thinking…oh no, are his wife and daughters going to rise from their coffins and suck his blood? Can he be saved by his vampire-hunting friends in time?
That sounds fun, right? None of that happens. Taylor-Johnson simple goes into the crypt, kisses his wife’s corpse and dies. Wow…way to deliver the thrills, Eggers…
One would think William Dafoe as Van Helsing would be fun. Sorry, Dafoe is in the movie for about five minutes. He gives some exposition and a diagnosis and then starts a fire while laughing. That’s it. He does no vampire slaying. He doesn’t even regal us with a tale where he slayed a vampire. In fact, his character admits to never seeing one.
The more deeply I go with this review, the less enamored I am with this movie. After I watched it, I tried to convince myself it was kind of good. But when forced to write about it…yeesh. It doesn’t even pay to examine the rest of the characters and actors. There’s not much here, friends and neighbors. Nosferatu is not undead on arrival. It is simply dead on arrival.
Nosferatu Wants To Suck Your Blood…Bluh!
A person can’t swing a dead cat without hitting some cinematic version of Dracula. Watch Egger’s Nosferatu once to make your encyclopedia knowledge of vampire films complete. Then rewatch one of the other ones to be reminded that vampire movies don’t have to be dry-as-dust treatises on co-dependent love. They can also be entertaining stories of good vs. evil that contains thrills and scares.
The first hour of Nosferatu is watchable, but then a viewer will struggle not to sleep like the dead.
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