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Argylle is the latest movie from Matthew Vaughn. Vaughn has turned out some great movies, Kick-Ass, Layer Cake, Kingsman, all great fun.
The idea of Argylle is interesting:
A reclusive author who writes espionage novels about a secret agent and a global spy syndicate realizes the plot of the new book she’s writing starts to mirror real-world events, in real time.
The movie stars Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, John Cena, Richard E Grant, Catherine O’Hara and Samuel L Jackson. Vaughn is directing and Jason Fuchs is writing.
The Story
I sat down to watch it and got through the first 20 minutes, which weren’t terrible. It opens, like any Bond movie, with Argylle (Cavill) entering an exclusive club where he dances with Dua Lipa. Not being young and hip anymore, I didn’t know who Dua Lipa was. What I did find out was she couldn’t act.
There’s a chase sequence, which was stupidly over the top but it was still fun. It turns out Argylle has been double-crossed. We then find that Argylle is being written by Elly, played by Dallas Howard. She’s an author who’s been writing books about the super spy for many years.
On a trip to see her mother and father she meets Aiden, played by Rockwell, who is a real-life spy. Casting Rockwell is great as he’s the complete opposite of Cavill. Anyway, it turns out that Elly’s books have been predicting the future and Aiden needs to help her escape the Division.
The Division are a super-secret set of spies who are bad, but I am not sure why. Now I think about it, yeah, they are just bad, I missed why, they just are. The rest of the movie is about the chase, it all goes downhill from this point.
Good Idea, Bad Execution
On paper, Argylle is a good idea, but the movie is just bad and, by the end, was just pointless. It got stupider and stupider as it went on. The tone is all over the place, it’s not sure if it’s Kingsman or James Bond.
The story got more over the top the more it went on. As I said, by the end, it was just ludicrous and I had lost all interest. The end sequence is beyond stupid, with dancing with guns and colourful smoke. It’s just all over the place.
The entire thing is about an hour too long. Some moments slow down to a complete stop. A good chunk of Argylle could have been cut, but it wouldn’t have saved it. Also, the action sequences were just too long. They became boring. This was a shame, as they were well done.
Another thing that I’m starting to hate now is the green screen. So much of this movie was CG, and it really showed. The only ‘exotic’ location they shot in was London. All the rest of the locations are inside a computer. There is also a very CGI cat, but the less said about it, the better.
One good thing was the editing. Elly keeps seeing Aiden as Argylle, and the editing shows the mix between the two of them. However, that’s about it for the good stuff.
The Cast
The entire cast of the movie is really good, apart from Dallas Howard. Well, in the first two acts, she’s good. Later in the movie, she cuts off her beautiful red hair and then dresses like a whore. She honestly looked awful. When she gets into fights, it is embarrassing to watch.
They have Henry Cavill, a God-like man, and give him a stupid haircut. I felt so much better looking at him because, with that hair, he couldn’t pull in a brothel. Everyone else is phoning it in… well, apart from Cranston. He seems to be the only one giving a damn.
Thinking about the entire cast, and director, the best way to describe this movie is “a waste of talent”. I’m annoyed at wasting my time on it. It started well, but slowly descended down a plughole.
Argylle is now on streaming, but honestly, I wouldn’t waste your time.
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