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I am a fan of Osgood Perkins, so I was looking forward to Keeper. The trailer looked interesting, and I think Perkins does horror well. The movie is a solid horror, but very flawed.
Keeper stars Tatiana Maslany and Rossif Sutherland; there are other players, but these two are the main protagonists.
The Story
The plot outline is:
A romantic anniversary trip to a secluded cabin turns sinister when a dark presence reveals itself, forcing a couple to confront the property’s haunting past.
The trailer shows a lot of ladies, all screaming, and presumably meeting their end. The opening of Keeper does the same; we have POVs of meeting certain women in different locations and at different times in history.
We then meet Liz (Maslany), who is about to go to a cabin with Malcolm (Sutherland). She is nervous about it, but looking forward to a quiet weekend. They have a lovely time, get engaged, and live happily ever after. The end.
Obviously not, Keeper isn’t a rom-com. It seems Malcolm has brought Liz there for a reason. A reason that leads Liz into a nightmare.
Malcolm says a cake has been left by the house caretaker, and Liz has a slice. Later, while hearing stranger things, she eats the entire cake. Some of the contents are questionable.
We also meet Malcolm’s brother and his date for the weekend. Again, his brother has brought his date to the remote cabins for reasons.
The rest of the story plays out as you would expect. Act 2 has all the creepy going on, and Act 3 is the explanation. However, here lies the problem, which I’ll come back to.
The Cast
One of the biggest issues with Keeper is the cast. I have no issue with Maslany; she’s a good actor, and I forgive her for She-Hulk. In Keeper, she’s completely miscast, to the point of distraction. Now and then, she does a cheeky, rye smile that takes you completely out of the movie. Liz is also just unlikable. I couldn’t stand her.
Then we come to Sutherland. I didn’t know of him until now, and yes, he’s Donald Sutherland’s other son. The way he plays Malcolm is just weird, again, to the point of distraction. He’s clumsy, distant, and again, unlikable.
We learn that Malcolm and Liz have been dating and ‘in love’, hence the romantic trip away. However, both of them are so unlikable, there is zero chemistry between them. In fact, there are ‘tender’ moments between them that are not just uncomfortable, but downright creepy. I didn’t believe they were in a living relationship at all!
I honestly couldn’t think of two worse people to play the main characters in this movie. With a better cast, it would have been a completely different and even an enjoyable experience.
The End *Spoilers*
I have to talk about the other main issue, the writing. I’m someone who doesn’t mind a bit of willing suspension of disbelief. What was in the briefcase that Vince and Jules were carrying in Pulp Fiction? I don’t know, but I don’t mind that I don’t know. It’s a mystery, but it doesn’t need explaining.
In Keepers, there is a major thing at the end of the movie. It’s not spoiling too much, but Malcolm is 200 years old and brings women back to his cabin as food. Food for ‘children’ that live there. Their mother was a witch and was found by Malcolm and his brother. However, it’s never explained how the ‘children’ are keeping Malcolm alive. There might have been a line in there somewhere, but it was a major plot detail that I needed an answer to.
Possibly Sutherland explained it in his monologue to Liz, and I mentally switched off because he was so boring. This plot detail really bugged me, though, to the point where I couldn’t focus on Act 3.
Creepy
The plot detail really took me out of the end of Keeper, which was a shame. There were some really creepy moments in the movie. The ‘children’ aren’t the same kids from The Little Rascals, more like those from The Village of the Damned, if they were born from Satan himself.
This isn’t the creepiest child.
There is one effect, at the end, which was pure nightmare fuel! I really mean that, it’s an effect I’ve not seen before, and it was really creepy. I want to describe it, but I don’t think I can; it’s worth watching Keeper just for that ending. However, the issues with the story are just too distracting to make it enjoyable.
Overall
As I said, I was looking forward to Keeper. I was a big fan of Longlegs. I didn’t fully understand it, but that was OK as I was happy to have that willing suspension. In Longlegs, there were things that didn’t need explaining, but it kept the story flowing. In Keeper, the spoiler above was a big deal, so much so, it was a complete distraction.
I mentioned the chemistry between Malcolm and Liz, which didn’t exist. What was even more stupid was the fact that they had been dating for a while. I can’t understand why, because both of them are as annoying as each other. Early in the movie, Liz is on the phone with her friend, where she tells her she’s going to a cabin in the woods with Malcolm. Malcolm was going to leave her there for dead. So wait, the two of them would have gone to the cabin, only one of them returns, and he’s never been caught before doing this with the other women?
The ‘writer’ was someone called Nick Lepard. He has written two movies, this and Dangerous Animals. I have seen Dangerous Animals, and it was as cliched as they come. I didn’t bother with a review because it wasn’t worth my time writing it, or your time reading it. However, it does explain the terrible writing in Keepers.
I was honestly looking forward to Keeper, but I just can’t like it. The casting is terrible, the characters are worse, and the story has too many plot holes to be enjoyable.
I’m giving Keeper a generous 1.5 out of 5 stars. There are some really creepy moments, and that one effect at the end is outstanding, but that’s all it’s got going for it. I hope Perkins goes back to writing for his next movie, as he does a better job.
Keeper is now on VoD.
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