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Part of the joy of this hobby, writing nonsense about movies for the enjoyment of Outposters, is that I get to spend a large amount of time online, seeking out things worth writing about. Because of this, and the vagaries of the algorithm, I have had the misfortune to stumble across the increasingly hysterical and hysterically funny sect of lunatics that is cinema’s most accidentally hilarious cult – the SnyderBros.
Now, before I start, I really have to make a few things clear. I have no problem with Zack Snyder, or the DCEU. I am on record here as being a big fan of Man Of Steel and consider it a crime that Warner Bros. did not make a direct sequel. I appreciate Gal Gadot as much as the most reverend Reverend, and Aquaman is the kind of lunacy that is right up my street.
I am a big fan of the SnyderCut of Justice League, still not quite believing how much of a different movie it is from the Whedon version, and taken aback by the sheer ambition of the whole thing.
So I am not grinding an axe against the movies as a whole here, even if Batman vs Superman was studio-tinkered garbage, and we won’t even mention The Flash.
But these people, man, these fucking people…
If you’ve spent more than eleven seconds on movie Twitter (sorry, “X”—we’re still pretending that stuck?), you’ve encountered the SnyderBros: a passionate, loud, perpetually-online congregation that has elevated denial into a spiritual discipline.
These are the disciples of the SnyderVerse, the faithful who continue to wait for Zack Snyder to descend from Vero and smite the unbelievers with a grayscale four-hour director’s cut of literally anything.
It’s been years since the SnyderVerse officially ended, but don’t tell them that. No, really—don’t. They’ve built an entire belief system around the idea that it’s actually still alive, secretly continuing in back channels, encoded tweets, obscure emojis, and the fact that Zack Snyder once breathed in the general direction of a Warner Bros parking structure.
The Cult-Like Commitment to a Dead Continuity
At this point, SnyderBros don’t follow movie news so much as interpret it, like ancient augurs reading the entrails of a Warner Bros quarterly earnings report.
James Gunn hires a production assistant? They’ll tell you it’s “proof” his DCU is collapsing. Jason Momoa appears in public without a trident? “Confirms” he’s returning as Zack’s Aquaman in
Justice League: Fully ReSnydered. A blue checkmark posts “lol”? That’s clearly a coded message from the studio that the SnyderVerse restoration announcement is imminent.
The level of spin here isn’t journalism or commentary. It’s fan-fiction disguised as prophecy… and not good fan-fiction.
They hang out in the comments sections of websites and channels where news goes to die, get reanimated, and come back insisting Disney is paying critics in gold bars and puppies. It’s the spiritual home of “Our sources (trust us bro!)….” and the birthplace of cinematic numerology: the ancient art of pulling box office figures directly out of their asses like a magician yanking rabbits out of a hat, only with less dignity.
They quote contacts at “the studio” but the only studio they know is a studio of delusion, conspiracy, and charts made in MS Paint claiming The Flash actually made $800 million “if you adjust for vibes and potential.”
Their posts usually read like the rant of a man cornering you at a gas station to explain that the DCEU box office was sabotaged by Warner Bros in 1978.
Spending time in their spaces is like a visit to the Vatican of Denial. Every post is a rosary of cope, a liturgy of “just wait,” “any day now,” and “Zack liked a tweet, this is basically confirmation.”
These guys will take a photo of Henry Cavill eating a sandwich and interpret it as an encoded message that he’s returning as Superman – “Turkey on rye… turkey… birds… eagle… AMERICAN symbolism… Superman is returning! CONFIRMED.”
They try to desperately wishing failure into existence by just coping really, really hard. They cope so hard it makes their veins stand out and their eyes water.
The most impressive part of the SnyderBro phenomenon is the unshakeable belief that James Gunn’s DCU is destined to fail, must fail, because cosmic justice demands it. In their worldview, if someone who isn’t Zack Snyder succeeds at making a superhero movie, it’s a crime against nature.
So every time a casting update drops, they swarm like piranhas, shrieking about how “nobody asked for this!” and predicting opening-weekend numbers using a technique known as “guessing whatever sounds bad.”
This has led to the creation of a brand-new cinematic sub-genre: Fantastical Box Office Accounting. It is really simple – according to them:
Movies they dislike lose money even if they literally made money.
Movies they like made money even when they, factually, absolutely did not.
And any film directed by anyone other than their Messiah is projected to earn exactly $7 and a coupon because “audiences are rejecting woke Hollywood,” which is their explanation for everything from box office returns to why their cat thinks they are a cunt.
The latest classic was, on a day where Forbes wrote an article spelling out just how financially successful the latest Superman movie was for Warner Bros, the SnyderBros all started to cum in each other’s mouths online around a pronouncement one of them made about its losses, using numbers that were so clearly just made up, they could have doubled as the numbers from Kamala Harris’ approval rating.
When real news fails to fit their preferred timeline – and it always does – they simply make new news up. A studio executive coughs during an interview? They’ll post a 19-part thread decoding it.
“Cough” begins with C.
“Cut” also begins with C.
They’re cutting… something…
A new SnyderCut!
SnyderVerse reshoot rumors CONFIRMED!
This is the kind of logic that would get laughed out of middle-school, yet within SnyderBro circles it’s celebrated like the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Is It Mean to Laugh?
Sure. They make it so easy that it’s almost rude not to? Also yes.
It’s not that people can’t love the Snyder films. I enjoy them, and there’s nothing weird about it. The weird part is when your enjoyment transforms into a full-time crusade, complete with spreadsheets, conspiracy diagrams, and the belief that James Gunn wakes up every morning thinking about how to hurt you, personally.
This fandom isn’t a community, it’s an echo chamber wrapped in paranoia, sprayed with copium, and dipped in the kind of fucking bullshit I have not witnessed online since the days of SuperShadow and his pronouncements about Grando Calrissian appearing in the Star Wars prequels.
The SnyderVerse ended. It’s done. Finished. Cremated. The ashes were scattered over the digital wasteland known as Twitter discourse. And yet the SnyderBros soldier on, clutching at vague hints, misquoted interviews, and Zachary Levi sneezing too loudly in a press Q & A.
It’s sad. It’s pathetic. But most importantly, it’s comedy gold!
So the next time you see a SnyderBro screaming that any other Superman movie is “DOA” because a production assistant wore the wrong shirt color, just smile, nod, and enjoy the show. Cults this entertaining don’t come around often.
And if they ever do get that SnyderVerse restoration? Well… I’ll eat a CosmicBookNews box office chart.
The post The Comical Moronism Of SnyderBros appeared first on Last Movie Outpost.
